So my posts/pictures have been kinda few past few weeks, so much going on. Both in SL/RL. I apologize to those who I normally support, like, comment, but it has been hard for me to log on FB, read the drama, when I am fighting so much. So please don't take anything personal. I also had to drop a few sponsors that were hard to do, and didn't apply for some that I wanted to. I need to get my head in a good place again, and also work more on the quality of my pictures, and regain inspiration. This is allowing me to give better quality to those I currently have and adore, and will choose for those I really feel a good fit for... pictures has always been my escape, and something I absolutely love.

So here is my personal venting session, since I don't think any or at least many read these anyways, and sometimes writing, at least I have been told by someone in the past, is a good release.

Let me try to summarize all of it to best I can in the shortest way possible...

My own physical struggles... What I thought was just pain from my lupus, and I ignored for weeks, turned out to be Cervical Spinal Stenosis requiring surgery. Because my left arm which I am barely able to use now has been immobile for so long, I now have what is called a "Frozen Shoulder" which I had never heard of til now. Surgery for the cervical spinal stenosis is not risky, even though its on my spine, what IS risky, is the fact that I have to go off my blood thinners to have the surgery, and last time I did that, I almost died with blood clots, and PE's and sepsis.. exactly 2 years ago this week. So that is My struggles that I have been dealing with the last 2 weeks.

My mother... She had what we thought would be a simple back surgery. I asked them to please give her a shot of lovenox immediately following surgery, due to my blood clot history and knowing its due to a genetic factor, and not knowing which parent, since my dad passed a few years ago. When I asked for them to give her the lovenox, which is a preventive medication for clotting, they treated me like I was overreacting and crazy. While she was in recovery, she suffered a minor stroke. Our first setback, she started to recover, and was sent to a rehab. While in rehab, she started showing symptoms of a blood clot, my sister and I were begging for those tests, and they kept telling us it was just her nerves healing. I am OUTRAGED at this point. Not only am I a 2 time survivor (you can read one of my previous posts in March DVT Awareness month), but I Also work in the HealthCare industry, and a Patient Advocate, I KNOW MY SHIT! A couple nights later, I get that call... she is being rushed to the ER. I rush there and sure enough, Blood clots, and pe's in both lungs, and not sure if she will survive as she was having difficulty breathing. I can not express enough, every emotion at this point I am feeling, sorrow for what she is going through, being grateful its caught, and ANGER for her previous doctors and nurses. Every day now, is a new day, but things are on a day by day with her. I am absolutely exhausted, and doing the best I can. This week, is two weeks from my last episode, so the reminder of it all is flooding me, and I feel like a basket case

Thing is, when things go to shit, you realize who your true friends are, and who they aren't. So.. lets say those I considered friends, that list has gotten smaller, but those who I still consider friends, I hold even closer to my heart, and they know it.

Head:          .LeLutka.Head.Aida

Skin:             [Glam Affair] Danielle @ Uber

Hair:              DOUX - Vega

Top:            [Aleutia] Faith Sweater  @ Salem

Bottom:     [Aleutia] Faith Denim Shorts  @ Salem

Glasses:     :::NOIR:::Anitta Sunglasses @ Salem

Boots/Stockings:  .miss chelsea. Iman Boots @ N21

Pose:          Le Poppycock - Dear Autumn